Sorry seems to be the hardest word
by BeyondMidnight
Summary: Logan is left heartbroken when he finds out that Kendall is leaving. It's better than it sounds, really! SLASH! Sad Kogan. I don't own BTR.


**Logan P.O.V. Please enjoy.**

Sorry.

Such a simple word people use to make others feel better when they did something bad to the other. They say sorry seems to be the hardest word, but to me it is meaningless. Just another ordinary word on the pile of words put together in a dictionary. It lost it's affect.

Even then…

_Flashback:_

_I looked through my stuff. Where did I left that book again? I perked up at the sound of the door opening and closing again. I raised my hand to greet my best friend, Kendall Knight, but let it drop beside my body when I saw the look in his eyes. They showed sadness, quilt but still a hint of confidence. He slowly walked over to me avoiding my gaze and pulled me in a tight hug. I blinked in confusion._

"…_Kendall?" I carefully asked._

"_I'm leaving, Logan. I need to do this." He whispered but I could still hear the tears in his voice. "You're the only one I'm saying goodbye to. The others will just try to stop me and I know you won't. You always understood me so well." Tears were forming in my eyes as well as his words tore me apart._

"_B-But I don't, Kendall. I don't understand." I whispered shakily."W-Why? Why are you leaving us?" He released me a bit but held his hands on my shoulders._

"_Things just don't feel right anymore." He simply said. How could he say it so easy. We could work things out! He didn't have to leave! I don't want him to. He sighed and I assumed he wanted to say something. "Also…" he began. I watched him slowly leaning into me 'til we were just a few inches apart. "… I love you." He breathed. My eyes widened as he attached his lips to mine. I slowly closed my eyes and leaned into the kiss. Tears fell as we shared our one moment of love. I felt him lick my bottom lip, begging for entrance which I allowed. We began exploring each other's mouth trying to remember every little piece. The kiss heated but the lack of oxygen forced us to pull away. For a moment we just stood there, holding onto each other, lightheaded and minds cloudy. I stared into his eyes. They showed love, passion and sorrow. I knew mine showed the same._

"_It's time, Logie. I need to go." He said closing his eyes not able to look at my broken expression. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight against me. He couldn't leave me! Not now!_

"_K-Kendall, please… I love you and I don't want you to leave." I said between my sobs. He pushed me away gently and looked at me with also tears in his eyes._

"_And I love you to, Logie. You're the most important person in my life and you always will be. That's the reason why I'm leaving. If I stay I would destroy your life. I just want you to know that I'll think of you every step of the way." His hand caressed my hair softly. "You're soft dark hair…" trailed to my cheek. "…beautiful face and the most amazing eyes I've ever seen. I will remember it all but what I'll remember more than anything is your lips on mine. I'll take that memory with me until I breath out my last breath."_

"…" _I was speechless. I really didn't want him to leave but he needed it. I knew. He gave me a quick kiss._

"_Logan, I'm sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for what I'm about to do." He said, his voice contained the hint of confidence I saw in his eyes earlier. I started shaking softly as I watched him. Everything was a blur because of the tears that were still in my eyes. I was about to ask him what he was going to do, but he cut me off by pressing his lips on mine again. We kissed as long as our lungs would let us, savoring every second but then he let go of me fully and I was left with a empty feeling in my heart, right where he fits perfectly._

"_Goodbye, Logie. I love you. Forgive me."_

_He was gone_

_End of Flashback._

Now I sit here on the cold floor. Crushing the newspaper I'm holding in my fists as tears stream down my face and won't stop coming. On the front page of the paper is the most horrifying news I've heard in my entire life. _'A sixteen year old boy died yesterday night in a train accident. The police presumes suicide. The boy listened to the name 'Kendall Knight' also known as one of the singers of the boy band Big Time Rush.' _

"Kendall…" I whisper between my sobs. "W-Why?" I say, my voice getting louder. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" I finally scream. I never saw what was behind the mask he was wearing. His confident smile, his jokes. He seemed happy. I never expected this. The door of my bedroom opens and my two best friends come rushing in and embrace me. I continue to sob as I glance over to the empty bed besides mine.

"It's okay, Logan. We're here for you." I hear James say. Carlos also starts sobbing quietly. Before Kendall left me, he asked me to forgive him. I don't know if I can. It's hard for me to say 'I forgive you' because he broke my heart. He hurt me and that pain will always stay. It'll be a part of my life. Of course I'll will deal with it and learn to live with it, but it still hurts. I love him and I always will, but I don't know if I can forgive him just yet. I don't understand and probably never fully will, but I know now…

Sorry seems to be the hardest word…

Forgive is.


End file.
